so tired

the sun hid behind clouds that were more than gray

I’m sure that’s why the park was so empty that day

out of breath, I found a bench for a restful seat

soon, a man came to sit, barely looking up from his feet

minutes passed by before he leaned toward my company

he appeared as if his troubles might have been plenty

he spoke up, saying “I’ve always been such a solitary one.”

angling my ears to listen, i knew his words were far from done

“I used to say nothing in their brain looked like mine

but I wonder if that’s what gave way to my fault-line

for example, me and her — I used to think we were on the same page

or maybe like we had two different audiences, while sharing one stage

I still wonder how every love letter felt so anonymous

those promises sounded good but lacked consciousness

I had never known someone with such good eyesight

yet so blind to true colors, whether dull or bright

believing that I couldn’t give them what they wanted put me in a box

until I learned that they never knew what they wanted — what a paradox

I’ve spent lots of time questioning what others are doing

even though my actions can be the most confusing

it turns my mind into an echoed chamber

only magnifying old efforts and extended labor

sometimes my anger still feels like heat in my chest

it’s the kind that presses and pushes, never finding rest

I usually feel like there’s trouble outside my door

I wake up and beg God that there’d be no more

I fight, so this struggle doesn’t become an identity

I let go and I choose new, searching for serenity

I was told that coming from nothing ain’t a bad thing

’cause when we leave here, there isn’t much we can bring

I catch myself praying that I’m not stuck for much longer

but, what if this confinement only makes me stronger?

I do love a challenge, I’ve always been a go-getter

I do my best but sometimes I’m too tired to do better

all my life I’ve tried, and all my life I’ve failed

I’ve held so much in… what if I just exhaled…”

his head fell back as he looked to the sky, uninspired

then he quietly uttered “mama, your son is so tired.”