so tired
the sun hid behind clouds that were more than gray
I’m sure that’s why the park was so empty that day
out of breath, I found a bench for a restful seat
soon, a man came to sit, barely looking up from his feet
minutes passed by before he leaned toward my company
he appeared as if his troubles might have been plenty
he spoke up, saying “I’ve always been such a solitary one.”
angling my ears to listen, i knew his words were far from done
“I used to say nothing in their brain looked like mine
but I wonder if that’s what gave way to my fault-line
for example, me and her — I used to think we were on the same page
or maybe like we had two different audiences, while sharing one stage
I still wonder how every love letter felt so anonymous
those promises sounded good but lacked consciousness
I had never known someone with such good eyesight
yet so blind to true colors, whether dull or bright
believing that I couldn’t give them what they wanted put me in a box
until I learned that they never knew what they wanted — what a paradox
I’ve spent lots of time questioning what others are doing
even though my actions can be the most confusing
it turns my mind into an echoed chamber
only magnifying old efforts and extended labor
sometimes my anger still feels like heat in my chest
it’s the kind that presses and pushes, never finding rest
I usually feel like there’s trouble outside my door
I wake up and beg God that there’d be no more
I fight, so this struggle doesn’t become an identity
I let go and I choose new, searching for serenity
I was told that coming from nothing ain’t a bad thing
’cause when we leave here, there isn’t much we can bring
I catch myself praying that I’m not stuck for much longer
but, what if this confinement only makes me stronger?
I do love a challenge, I’ve always been a go-getter
I do my best but sometimes I’m too tired to do better
all my life I’ve tried, and all my life I’ve failed
I’ve held so much in… what if I just exhaled…”
his head fell back as he looked to the sky, uninspired
then he quietly uttered “mama, your son is so tired.”