in the spirit of metamorphosis

I started to draw on the knowledge that my chrysalis, or my “in-between’’ does matter. Although this constricting and uncomfortable stage of life is rarely greeted with open arms, I see that a protective shell can be rather pertinent. And while it’s evident that the objectives of this world are parallel to the ideas of getting bigger, faster and stronger I am often reminded of the significance in stillness. Seems like everywhere we turn, we encounter this enormous sense to calculate our human experience toward a greater perfection. It appears as though change is only prized and appreciated once it resembles progression. I have wondered if we’re so quick to focus on end goals because we feel like we preserve identity better that way. When we lose sight of ourselves or begin to lack identity in the midst of change, then of course we will struggle to find value in transformation.

The cocoon is nice to talk about and even nicer to imagine, because it’s on the outside. Societal patterns only aid us in neglecting our innermost self. If I pause long enough to study what’s going on inside of me, I build my imagination which inevitably shifts my frame of hope. Even though a cocoon or a chrysalis looks like a quiescent time, it is nowhere near a restful stage. When I began to comprehend that a chrysalis grows from inside — eventually erupting through the skin — I couldn’t help but establish a relation. I was seeing how this slow and gradual process consists of a caterpillar being broken down by the same forces that it used in its earlier life to absorb nutrients and where they use stored energy to transform at the cellular level. Poetically enough, these are called “imaginal cells” and they carry the ability to put themselves back together into a new shape, a rematerialization of sorts. Considering I have observed many of my own identities erupt or dissolve at one point or another — I’d say this serves as a very suitable metaphor for the days I encounter. Even then, I am reminded that this is all in reference to a change that occurs within an insect that is inches tall and wide. I wonder what more our human capacities embody.

Being present amongst change has led me to see things clearer. When I associate progress with complexity or connect advancement with control, I lose out on the conversation of maturity and ripeness. One of the largest feats I have experienced has not only been saying “things will happen when they are supposed to” but believing it in thought and in deed. That practice paves the way toward the process of freeing my mind. As I admit that freedom and space bear semblance to each other, I also factor in the truth that transformations require space. Space where the old shapes, patterns, and forms have been expired and eliminated. Only then can I accept that this emptiness, these openings, and those spaces can provide pathways to freedom and flight. Too often we use our energies to fasten ourselves into a storyline of distress and we end up being isolated from the moments that could help us transform. Troubles and trials will provide an energy of their own, it’s guaranteed. It’s up to us to harness that energy and hold it appreciatively. By doing so, we convert it into the energy of metamorphosis. Recently, I heard that appreciation is not the same as remembering, and there’s a very applicable truth there. Remembering only suspends a memory in the spaces of our mind, we feel the weight. Appreciating revitalizes our efforts, giving purpose to the moving of that constant weight.

I am becoming more and more aware that these “in-between” phases will look like acting without knowing and moving while still wondering. As people, we will always have the opportunity to lean into whoever we are becoming. It takes courage and this complicated world makes it hard. But here in the stillness — in an erupting emptiness — I have found that these truths allow me to appreciate the transitions that come with the miraculous journey of moving from one sphere of life into another, without needing to know exactly why. Whether it has brought me here or left itself behind, I know that it has shaped me so that I can fly.